Life without Expectations. LIVE

I ask myself if this is possible, living without expectations, as I hear my guidance towards others echoeing yes, it is. It is. Maybe not in the form we'd expect or imagine, but in real life, it is. I guess I dont always live in reality, rather I stay confined to a well known and well travelled space: the mind. I think we all know this space very well, too well, often allowing it to drive the vehicle of the sacred self to places of scarcity and feared unknowns, far from the hearts space and free spirit. Predictably these places are not places of openness and inquiry, but rather, of judgement and restriction.

Our self expectations become a trap for denied success. When we place these jailed expectations on ourselves we ultimately have the ability to place them on others, creating unintented competition and distance and consequently a lack of solidarity. How would it feel to be in solidarity with the self? What does this mean? Well, Merriam-Webster defines solidarity as: unity that produces or is based on community of interests. Sometimes it is important to locate the roots; the word, solidarity, comes from the french, solidarite, meaning, "mutual responsibility". To me the idea of mutual responsibility involves the self, a direct relationship with the self, with what IS, how we are in this present space, how do we come to know and preceive this self of ours? Often times our perception is based on societal pressures and expectations oppressively mapping the right and desired way to be, the way things have been in the past which have either wounded us or leave us longing for their reoccurence and future hopes that we fear we may never reach.

All of these things may seem real, but they are out of our control, but what is in our control is inquiry; getting to know some of these places of discomfort or risidule pain we have not physically released from our body, examining the reality of the now to allow for what is happening so we can move into places we want or unknown places that are awaiting us. Breathe. By navigating this space, expectations on the table with an eraser at hand, there is more freedom to live as we are, by freeing this space up individually, we create a space in which others may do the same. Bell Hooks, a teacher that I bow to, though have never met, reminds us of the need for

"trasformation of the self, of relationships, so that we might be better able to act in a revolutionary manner, challenging and resisting domination, transforming the world outside the self."

So, this mutual responsibility rests in creating solidarity with the self in order to be in solidarity with others; mutual support. Now the more current definition can take active form, we can create communities of unity when we are open to knowing our own self so that we have space for that of others. This may be challenging, but with challenge comes change, new learning, new support. Sometimes our own self expectations are our greatest limitations, our greatest removal, our greatest distance from facing challenges from a place of directness and honesty rather than the easy and unthoughtful head space of chatter and misguided judgements. Let us learn and live the true meaning of solidarity, potentially opening ourselves and the communal space to the "unknown, the unfamiliar". Patanjali's second yoga sutra, thread, embodies: "yoga is to still the patterning of consciousness.

Make em' sweat!

Sweat we did...although the sun was not shinning, layers were still being removed to feel the refreshing tickle of the sprinkling water of the sky...a rainy day in seattle, specifically a sunday, the recipe book was turned open to "stay inside and veg out" and we even had all of the ingredients to satisfy this! As I frequently do, I improvised. Instead of staying inside, we headed outside, with a very precise plan of course: play basketball. Luckily up the street used to be home to some special kids and teachers alike, still is home to a hoop and court, but misses the playful and oh so necessary kids...why aren't they there anymore? The school was shut down, teachers and children removed: community interrupted. Where are those kids now? and their dedicated teachers?

I think the last time I played basketball, really played like with other people was in middle shcool, I made the first points of the game and then didnt touch the ball much after that. But this day was different, I touched every single spot on that ball and then some, turned it inside out! The ball didn't touch the hoop too many times, but it got passed, caught, drippled, checked, re bounded, thrown, chased- it was in motion, we were in motion, in our bodies, in the game. I felt so free and so powerful, I felt confident even though I made but 5 shots. The confidence came through just being out there and playing, making the choice to go outside and try something different, feeling my heart beat, not because I was forcing it to do so, but because I coudn't stop it from doing so; natural confidence, free from the ego...this freedom enabled me to disconnect from my mind and judgements and just play, the continual breath and movement being the guiding force...power and creativity were channelled through self and friends...community still exists here. I have appreciation for these courts, these stomping grounds and the energy that still remains...

Whats yoga got to do with it?

So much, endless amounts, that's the beauty. Recently a person I am close with, in seek of some spiritual and career guidance, went to an astrologer. In their time there, I dont really believe they discovered anything new about themself (besides witnessing the vasntess of astrology and its interplay with the formation of our constitutional selves), but what was received was permission. Seems simple, maybe even unnecessary, but I think so often we need an outside source to provide us with permission: permission that where we are is ok and that what we are doing is right, who we are is who we should be and possibly predetermined. We want reason for some of the confusion we, as humans, experience. We want an explanation for why we aren't on the same path as our peers, the same peers for whome we are able to provide permission and continual suppport while forgetting to include outselves. Why is it such a struggle to love and recognize the self, perfections and imperfections, as we would a friend or a lover? I think this represents a tramendous disconnect from the depths of the body while grasping to the thoughts and preceptions of the mind. The body too speaks, the body too holds deep wisdom which yoga can help to access.

Some of the advice of this particular astrologer was to take part in activities or processes to aid in connecting to the 'inner child' (a less constructed self) and to certain past experiences and emotions. I thought what better than intentionally practicing yoga? Emotions and experiences don't just disappear, they remain inside of us, in the body! Through yoga and asana we connect to the body with intention and awareness, connecting to the brains beyond the head. When we can begin to form our self perceptions through getting to know our bodies, possibly less judgement would exist, possibly we could find permission from within.

Loveable legs.....

Growing up I never remember hearing my elders or peers wishing for their bodies to become shorter or fatter, looser or softer and if I did it still came from the root place of disastisfaction, lacking and wanting to be something more desirebale, something different. I'm now reflecting more and more on those words and sentiments. An example to which I keep returning: I grew up hearing my sister wish for different legs, it became mundane. "Why are my legs so short? I have the shortest legs!" Compared to whom? "Why couldn't I just have long legs?" Maybe your genes wouldn't allow for that. "My thighs are so big they rub against each other" "She has such nice legs, long and thin" Well then she must be a good person, since long and thin somehow equal good, over all good, right? No! Yet somehow we are led to believe these very things and with out question we perpetuate them through language and practice. Individually we create a collective embodiment devauling our own self worth.

In terms of one's physical body it really is just a vessel, an important vessel, but not the determining factor of who we are; we don't choose or create our bodies yet they can still be a reflection of who we are as individuals, because of our own misconceptions and perception. We have come to accept a standard of beauty that does not include the vastness of our potential and of our difference. Sure, we can have an influence on our body. I hope that influence comes from a place of seeking health. Health that reflects a feeling not a look, health that comes from appreciation and compassion for the abilities and potentials we possess. For some of you lucky individuals the seemingly ubiquitous self destruction in terms of body image may be lacking, but maybe it shows up in some other learned self talk of not being good enough. What if you were to discover you are good enough, that the difference you've been striving for wouldn't provide satsifaction, it wouldn't actually change you or your perception. You are good enough in this very moment. Your body loves you and provides for you, can you show that same love to it? Our ideas about how we should look, how we should be keep us from actually being and discovering our full potentials...

From the begining...now!

You might be asking yourself, engage with what? The answers seem unlimited: with yourself, with others, your body, your breath, your community, your environment, your questions or controversies... yes the list is endless, but it must start somewhere. So I invite you to engage in this inquiry begining with the self, your very own self; a self that is sometimes shared, sometimes not, sometimes big, sometimes small, sometimes complex or maybe simple, yet none of these are mutually exclusive. We are not dual beings and do not need to live a life limited by duality or preconceived judgements about these labels. Can you engage with your multi dimesionality? There are many ways to do this and I think we all do it with out awareness, but what if we did it with awareness and possible intention?